hermit mode

Last few weekends have been spent at the crib... partly cuz ive been freelancing again... mostly cuz i've been in hermit mode again. Thats what my brother calls it. See every now and then I get into my zone where im not trying to deal with nooooobody.. let alone crowds of knuckleheads. Nah i'd rather relax with my Elle, my tunes, and my game of choice for the evening. Usually chess... sometimes spades... if my boys roll thru, then dominos... my boys can come thru cuz they know how to be around me when I'm in my zone, so they don't say much to me, just play nucca.. just play. I also love a good game of scrabble.... my new love. My vocabulary is not the most extensive, but i make up for it with strategy... and scrabble has some ill strategies involved in it. I like to make the board ugly and short... that helps to even the playing field as far as vocabulary. My main game is chess cuz everything relates back to chess. Its the game of games. U always hear "its a chess game going on" during sporting events, debates, and numerous other things even wars, it all relates back to chess. As with anything, if u do it often enough, u should start to learn from it... so why not learn from the best. Chess sure has taught me alot.... More than anything, It's a way of thinking... U hear... "gotta think 3 - 4 - 5 moves ahead..." well its alot to that, cuz each move poses numerous possibilities... so its a matter of eliminating any if u can.. and maximizing others. Narrowing infinity down to 1... well its more like 50 down to 1, but u get what im saying... Then taking that decision... envisioning that move and resulting position in ur mind... and starting the process over again... any who... thinking like that, ur constantly evaluating all the possibilities... or as many as u can. Libras tend to do this naturally anyway. Its why we seem indecisive, but we're just taking our time.

-->> Detour

There i am entranced in those 64 squares... while outside the weather is getting chilly, so the women are covering up. I admit... I like a little left to the imagination... still some are trying to catch a few more days with the flesh revealing mini garmets that we all love. God bless'em. By the time my hermit mode moves on, all of the women done bunned up.. And there i am left... weepin creepin or settlin... lemme stop tho. no way i can complain about the women who have held affections for me over the years... Had some special and amazing women... ay.. it takes a special woman to put up with my ass. Eventually I figure a way out, though... only to regret it later, yet not. Trying something new right now... not being as guarded.. Yet can't seem to get that emotional connection down pat. Hell i'm still trying to master stability... Damn i feel like Aang... gotta master all this shit. Yeah im sure im the only one who got that one. moving on...

current female situation: She likes me. she doesn't, she got hitched, she off limits, she likes me but not like that, she a ho, her too, still love'em tho, she moved, she too bourgeois (or im too grimey.... hmmmm) She still with the white dude, she too far away.
............................. damn.

No matter... that works out well for my current mode... what mode?? Hermit mode!! What u forgot the name of the blog? or do i need to put the Elle down? Avatar has been pretty good, the first one was great till the end, the last one was light hearted, but an instant classic... "Flameo good sir... Flameo" . I'm gonna go to this party tomorrow tho. semi -celebrate my birthday there, cuz i still haven't tossed any back commemorating the close of the first third of my life.

well peace to everyone who has stayed with me this long. Im going to bed though. Just had to write cuz i hadn't written anything in months. I'll get back to the series soon.

"pride is not the opposite of shame, but rather its source...
true humilty is the only antidote for shame"
~Iroh

Shortcuts

Got a call this morning... from one of my best and one of my first friends ever, Nelson Lee Roberson who I've known since kindergarten.

"Bo!" ... (short for Jimbo) ... "What up shawty?? .. man I'm gonna be up that way around the 4th. Make sure u got the trees and the women ready for me!" ...

I love my niggas... The convo got me to thinking about some of our funnier times growing up... one of my favorites is when we were on our way SOMEWHERE... not sure where, not important... all i remember is asking him why the hell we were going this way and him saying...

"Oh... this a shortcut.... but the other way quicker"
(straight face)

I start my infamous chuckle that grows into a hearty all out laugh. The look on his face when he said it... so serious, so intent. Shortcut, but the other way quicker - haaaaaaaaa.

I continue to iron my clothes as other parts of growing up run threw my mind... about my life, my situation, and how the hell i wound up where I am today... I start thinking about all the "shortcuts" i took that seemed like good ideas at the time... U know... ignoring a traffic ticket... dodging a bill collector... cheating on a test... tellin her whatever she wanted to hear... ... half assing just to get something or someone off my case. So as I stand there deep in thought... it finally hits me like the wind around a chicago corner in mid march... This mf was droppin knowledge....

Shortcuts but the other way quicker... damn who knew?!

Buried Talents

"I haven't sang in years"
"You sure"
"Yeah I'm Sure"
"Fall in line Girl Scout"

Gale practically begged me to never stop writing. Said I had real "talent". It was her that also introduced me to that story in the bible about the 3 sons and their talents. Guess I buried mine.

Problem is when you've been blessed with all sorts of talents how do you utilize all of them? And if you do attempt to utilize all of them, how do you become the best at one...

Jack of all trades - Master of none....

....the irony of my life. Above average at everything I try (except singing). But I would trade it in to be the best at just one...
.... I think.

I am dancing on 64 squares for hours after hours, day in and day out. Trying to be the Grandest of all Masters. Right now, thats my best oppurtunity of being the best. In college it was spades "Dot it up Baby!!" and them Bones... "Dominoe Bitchez". As a kid, it was every video game that was ever made. Street Fighter was my favorite... Zangief was the man. "Think you can keep me off you if you want... Even that cheap ass Blanka shit is futile"

They say "There will always be somebody better."
But who are THEY?
Probably everybody except the best.

So do I utilize all of my Talents, or focus on that one? As a Libra I need my balance. But I also am vain.

Chess utilizes my love for the arts, as well as my mathematical precision... My competitive hunger, as well as my uncanny problem solving genious... My Creative Logic, and Logical Creativity... Blitz or untimed... it doesn't matter... I'll whoop your ass. Well at least about 95% of the populations asses... But that just ain't good enough.

But my writing has suffered... My public speaking has suffered... My basketball game has really suffered... My mack game has disapeared. Maybe thats cuz I haven't been on the scene for nearly 10 years.

Fuck it. I'll figure it out.